I am haunted. I post on a yahoo group for parents of blind and visually impaired kids. One of them must have an affiliation with Rainbowkids because they posted a link to this adorable little boy that needs a loving home.
JW is 2.5 years old and has congenital glaucoma. He's blind. Ugh. When I imagine my own sweet D being raised in a rehabilitation facility (I don't even know what that means in the part of the world that JW comes from) I have to fight back the tears. To be all alone in a world that you can't see. No single person to call your own - no one that you know will love you no matter your flaw - that will be there for you regardless. To have to vie for the attentions of a room mother with who knows how many other children. It just breaks my heart.
Little JW only speaks about 5 words with meaning. My D, 6 months younger, probably speaks over 70 (I wrote down 67 in just 2 minutes of thinking). I can't help but wonder if little JW is so much less verbal because he doesn't get talked to all that much. How lonely for him.
I look around our house at the chest and many, many baskets of toys picked out to offer D the most stimulation possible... puzzles that make noise when you put the piece in, books that sing songs, electronic alphabet toys of every shape & size, toys with different textures, vehicles of all sorts to encourage mobility, a trampoline and a crib - both for jumping pleasure.... and braille books by the dozens, not to mention books on cd... Well. I feel both grateful and undeserving.
Why is our D, by benefit of birth country and parentage, being given such an advantage over JW? I cringe when I think of where JW will be in 20 years if he is not adopted. I long to adopt him myself. I've not been able to stop thinking about him. My arms ache to hold him with love and show him everything the world has to offer. I long to give D a brother that will always have a bond with him no one else will understand. I just don't think that the fragile tranquility of my house could withstand another major storm right now. I guess I've finally found something that I really resent about having cancer.