Titleless in the Blogosphere

So, you may have heard that the Chilean Earthquake rocked the world.  Literally.  Andreas Reitbrock, a professor of Earth Sciences at the U.K.’s Liverpool University, says that Santa Maria Island near Concepcion, Chile may have been raised as much as six feet by the 8.8 quake!   Yowza!!!!  And that's not all!  According to NASA, the quake may have permanently altered the Earth's axis resulting in a loss of  1.26 microseconds each day. More lost sleep for us poor parents.  We just can't catch a break.  sigh...

I had the best laugh I've had in weeks while reading up about the quake-induced time crunch.  There are some very witty people out there in Webland and they are all commenting on news articles.  Here are a few of my favorites:

Octothorp says:  
"And the planet's axis may have moved three inches.
Insert nightclubby short penis and/or erectile dysfunction joke [here]."        


Fadviral brings it home with:
"Great. My phone's GPS already reckoned I was half a mile away from wherever I was actually located. Now it's half a mile plus three inches. :/"

Tipsy Hausfrau endears herself to me forever with:
 "See? I totally don't have time to go to the gym now. Can't argue with science."  


HowardRoarkLaughed only made me smirk with his:
"Same thing happened the last time Kirstie Alley fell out of bed."

Claire Buoyant gets extra points for the political tie in:
"So where does this put the Axis of Evil now?"

TurdBlossum:
"Damn it! Just when the days were starting to get longer too!"      (Seriously!)

Also, TurdBlossum?  Really?

Putting on the Pink

Ironically, Danny first refused to nurse on my right breast in October 2005-- my first sign of cancer.  It's appropriate that I ended my breast cancer treatments nearly three years ago during Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

It took me only five weeks to realize that something was wrong with my body. The last normal weeks of my life.  It took another four weeks for a breast exam, mammogram, ultrasound, surgical appointments, fine needle aspiration and finally, a core needle biopsy, before my diagnosis on December 22.  Merry Christmas.  Nine weeks.  And life is never the same again.  Nine. Short. Weeks. And every month since has been Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

So I'm putting on the pink for the month of October.  I hope it helps even one woman do a self-exam!

In the meantime, however, I have a website to share with you.  It's called The Urban Dictionary.  It is a dictionary of slang.  Like Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary is publicly defined site.  As a parent I find this site extremely useful.  As an ex-kid I find it irresistibly entertaining!  In that light I offer you a few of my recently found favorite slang words.  See if you can figure out which one I submitted...

 Cybercondriac:  An individual that reads symptoms of illnesses on the net and begins to believe they're sick.

Half your age plus seven:  A dividing-line / rule, whereby one may not make a Romantic/erotic/sexual move toward someone who is not at least half one's age, plus seven more years.  Ha!  My co-worker is forever quoting this rule.  He swears that since he is 30 it is ok for him to date women that are 22.  Makes perfect sense until you reverse it.  By this calculation at 43 I should be able to date a man twice my age less 7 years.  That's 72 years old!!!!! Gah!

Restless Lip Syndrom:  When a person keeps interrupting a conversation and can't keep their mouth shut.  Hee...  I know a few who suffer from this.


Sticker Paralysis:  The effect caused by having a really awesome sticker and no appropriate place to use it. General symptoms include keeping the sticker in a drawer and never actually using it. Sometimes resulting in affixation remorse.

Nipple Envy:  What a woman feels when she sees another woman's nipple erection and hasn't completed her post-mastectomy reconstruction.  I so suffer from this!!!!!

Pisshap:  A mishap involving urine, usually after a mass amount of alcohol has been consumed.  This one has worked its way into my every day conversation!!!!!  And that's kind of sad...

Building Character

Is there any word that can describe today that hasn't already been bandied about the internet ad infinitum? Hopeful? Overcome? Overjoyed? Awed? I am all these things and so much more.

Today is the next step on the road to rebuilding our National character. At some point in time America has become a hated country. Despised by the bad guys and good guys alike. Even friendly Nations have looked at us with a semblance of disdain.

As a people we have become spoiled and lazy. I am reminded of Ben's assertions that whatever his infraction it is "not his fault." We have become finger-pointers.

President Barack Obama has ushered in, today, an era of accountability... Both for Washington and each and every American.

"Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task. "

He has laid the foundation of his foreign policy.

"As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

...We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you."

And one of my favorite images from his address:

"To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."

I can't wait to sit with Ben tonight and rewatch all the TiVoed footage of this momentous day. I am so excited to watch him soak up the significance. I am greatful that he will grow up in this new direction - growing as one with all Americans and our Nation.

I can't look. Are the results coming in yet?

"When we got into office, the thing that surprised me the most was that things were as bad as we'd been saying they were."

~~John F. Kennedy~~

"Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then -- we elected them."

~~Lily Tomlin~~

"In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take."

~~Adlai Stevenson~~

"The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces."

~~Maureen Murphy~~

"There is no distinctly American criminal class --except Congress."

~~Mark Twain~~

I'm just killing a little time until the polls close. I am strangely nervous. What if it is a big upset and McCain wins? Can I handle that? Of course, I'll have no choice, but... I want so much more for our Country.

I want a new course. I want to have confidence in and respect for my President again. I want that hope that has been eluding us as a nation for so long.

I have no beef with John McCain. He is an honorable man, though I don't necessarily agree with his agenda. But don't get me started on Sarah Palin.

She is my punishment for disliking Hilary so much. I used to think Hilary's "stand by my man" crap from the Monica days was a disservice to women and showed her as a power-hungry person. At least, Hilary is intelligent, consistent and effective in executing her party's political agenda. Palin is not even in the same league. I saw an email the other day that summed it up nicely. It had a group of women holding a sign that said, "Mr. McCain, we did not wait 232 years for Sarah Palin!!!"

Only an hour and forty minutes before the first polls close. Hold me!

Truth Of The Day

I just got this via email this morning. The truth of it shall ring through the ages. I only wish I knew who to credit with it's origin. Professor Google made mention of Alyssa Milano but since I was not allowed on the proffered site I cannot confirm nor deny the rumor.

Without further ado, I give you Monday's Truth of the Day.

"Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."

The sun.

As I carried D out of his bedroom the other morning we paused in front of the wall heater to warm ourselves.

"Oooh. Can you feel da sun?", he asked.

I always do. I always do.