Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Accidental Victim

Or... How To Get Out Of Soccer Practice.
Or... How To Get Mom To Give Up The Good Meds.
Or... All The Fight With None Of The Fortitude.

Maybe you can come up with your own title.

I'm thinking Ben has a shining future if they ever make Injurious Diving an Olympic event. He's really quite talented in that area; a natural. (See that semi-colon... Did I use it correctly? Because I really just never know.)

Let's see, if I can recap for you...

Routine: Windmill Free Fall
Difficulty: 3 of 5
Timing: 5 minutes before brother's First Birthday party
Presentation: masonry scrapes on forearms and legs and a large 3-cornered gash under chin (complete with embedded brick shrapnel)
Location: Block wall in backyard
Cry Time: 45 minutes
Score: 7.5

Routine: Tarzan Forward Somersault Belly Flop
Difficulty: 5 of 5
Timing: First day of school
Presentation: Bruised nose and buckle fracture of the wrist
Location: Rope swing down the street
Cry Time: None, unless you count clenched teeth and welling eyes.
Score: 9

Routine: Bunk Bed Double Gainer
Difficulty: 3.5
Timing: One week after first cast came off
Presentation: Stuck the landing directly on the under-bed drawer, greenstick fracture of same wrist
Location: Sleepover at friend's house
Cry Time: 30 minutes at friend's house and entire way home
Score: 6

Routine: Triple Handlebar Hand Stand Launch
Difficulty: 4
Timing: On the way to soccer practice'
Presentation: Popped bike tire, broken pedal, ripped seat, gash in knee, jammed shoulder, bruised ribs
Location: Into large landscape rocks, over neighbor's mailbox, onto asphalt
Cry Time: 52 minutes plus every time the judges glance his way
Score: 8.5

The boy has incredible talent!!! Watch for him at the ER near you!

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